T.R.U.T.H.
“I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.” (Martin Luther King)
“You’re a liar!” still resounds in my ears when I look back at many moments in my childhood and early adolescence.
They say that if you are told something repeatedly (or tell something to yourself repeatedly), you invariably start to believe it. For a shorter or longer period of time or even… for good. Since I was many times a trouble child (and somewhat trying to get away with it without getting punished), my mother would often call me a liar. Slowly, slowly, I bought into it so much that I really became a liar (especially in relation to my parents), and as I have an insatiable desire of doing things better and better I grew from an average liar into a master-skilled liar, a wonderful “story-teller”! The downside of it was that it somewhat entered my blood and the temptation of lying to save me from hurting, to save appearances, to protect my ego, to save time and so on grew more and more…
Coming to more recent events, I was reading today an article on 121.ro (the web-page for sensational women as they call it) that dealt with how should one (to be read woman) revenge on the other one (to be read man) for being cheated on, left for another or generally put, lied to. It stirred my blood (to be read not in a positive manner) as I found it such a narrow perspective on the situation and generally put, on life itself.
I consider myself lucky. Blessed. Cause’ I have lied so much and for so long that I came to realize its uselessness. Cause’ I have been cheated too, I have cheated myself and I have been the one someone else got cheated with enough times as to realize that this is just an effect of a deeper cause, namely the turning of the truth (or parts of it) into plain, pure lies.
But why are we lying anyway, you might ask? Because we don’t want to hurt, because we don’t want to hurt someone else some good Samaritans might say. Yeah, right, I can remember myself saying that as well… “He/ she is such a nice person and I did this and that and they shouldn’t know ‘cause they will get hurt!” Let’s face it! What we actually fear, at all times, what we actually try to avoid confronting ourselves with is ALWAYS something related mainly to us. Losing our status, our image, our significance, our self-worth at times, our freedom, our rights, our comfort zones… All fears that in the end come down to us hurting.
Last year after what I decided it was enough lying to others or myself (that’s a nasty one) and being lied to I took one decision. Simply put: T.R.U.T.H.
I have gone through enough as to realize that WHATEVER we do we cannot avoid hurting at times. I have been playing so many games (to be read revenge included) for so many times as to realize that what mostly matters actually is not the absence of hurt but the presence of significance in our daily life. Significance = substance = content = deep connections = relevance = trust = communication = really knowing the people around and being known for who you REALLY ARE.
I’ve been hurt many times. I am sure I will hurt some more. But I believe that we could not tell what happiness is if we would not know what hurting is. And both happiness and hurt come in their fullest, deepest shape when you let go, when you take off all barriers and all armors. And what would life be without the full taste of things? Without those bitter-sweet sensations that last for years and years and you can still feel them within, deeply enrooted in your being?
Truth might hurt. But lying not only hurts, it also kills self-worth, it casts a deep grey shadow of doubt on our previous image of others, it separates us from the others and sends us in a dark, narrow, far off place… disconnected. With self and with others.
As truth is nothing big or absolute. It is just the expression of who we are and what we feel at a certain moment in time. It is the vivid reflection of self that we allow others to see. And that makes them know US. As we truly are. For real. And that makes our whole life for real. Be it pain or ecstasy. IT IS!
Every day, I challenge myself to have the courage to be. Myself. No pretense. So that you always know me for whom I am, so that I always know you for who you are. And since I know you and you know me, we would understand each other easier. As we know each others contexts, dreams, fears, doubts, likes and dislikes. And that builds significance. And I see no point in ever believing that I am being injusticed if I KNOW YOU. So I shall never need to think of revenge.
"When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey." (Arab Proverb)
